On Monday, I turned 26.
I had a wonderful birthday celebration with my girlfriend on Sunday — a walk in the park, pizza, beer (one, that I got drunk off of), cake, gifts, and a little nap while watching TV. On Monday, it was pretty much right back to work.
Training, writing, and adjusting to my new life here in Austin. The transition has not been easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
This year, in particular, has been tough, full of transitions, and it’s taught me a lot.
Here are 26 important lessons I learned this year about life, learning, and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. When possible, I tried to link previously written articles about these lessons within the article.
Hope you enjoy :)
1. Today was good enough when you woke up. The good and bad that occur during your waking hours do not need to change that fact.
2. Do scary things every day. Over time, they become less scary and you also build the courage to try scarier things. Do this long enough, and you won’t recognize yourself in the best way possible.
3. Hard work pays off, but not always in the short term, and not always in the way you think.
4. You have the life you deserve, not the life you desire. Peace is when you desire less and accept what you deserve. It only exists when you let it in.
5. The happiest periods of my life have always involved a lot of striving and hard work. Brutal weight cuts, wrestling seasons that would never end, and throwing my soul into writing — these are the kinds of moments that I reminisce over. Not enjoying the fruits of my labor, but the labor itself. Too much striving is bad, but striving itself is not.
6. You can have peace and strive for more from yourself. The human condition is wrestling with and transcending this truth. (Lesson #4 and #5 work together)
7. Trying to seem like an expert among experts is good for the ego but bad for a business model. Teach beginners what you wish you knew when you were like them. This is a highly valuable skill.
8. You need to suffer to be happy. Smart people know this. Wise people know how to suffer with intent for a greater purpose.
9. Age is a number that unwise people use to make their unwise ideas seem valid. You’re not wise because you’re old. Age means consumption of time. Wisdom is the ability to digest the experience. They are not the same thing.
10. Nutrition, sleep quality, stress management, and the quality of your relationships are the basis of happiness. Pretty much everything else is noise.
11. Choosing to rely on unreliable people makes you more foolish than them. Working in Jiu-Jitsu is pretty sketchy. The more time I spend in this business, the more careful I am about who I work with.
12. Before you speak, write, or post, put yourself in the recipient's shoes. Who’s the message really for?
13. “Balance” is simply a word that ambitious people use as a fantasy when they’re exhausted. None of us are perfectly balanced, and you probably don’t really want balance. The idea of balance is simply a reminder that actions have consequences — that too much work is bad.
14. If carbs, a nap, or a cry can’t fix the problem, just ask for help.
15. With a little perspective, your biggest weaknesses can become your greatest strengths. I used to be anxiety-ridden, sad, and awkward, but now I’m confident and driven (and still awkward).
16. Life is not a marathon or a sprint, life is interval training. If you work hard every single day, you won’t achieve your goals, you’ll burn out. If you work hard and then rest (like, really rest), you have a better chance of long-term success.
17. As you grow, so do your expectations. Be careful about this.
18. Traveling is great, but it doesn’t make you that much happier. I’ve been all over the world, and no trip has changed my life. They’re fun, they’re exciting, and they can be eye-opening, but traveling cannot complete you.
19. What traveling cannot offer you is found at home — or something that feels like home. Something I’ve struggled with in my lifestyle that requires constant travel is the undeniable hedonism of travel. You struggle to build things that matter when you’re only in places for a short time. The solution to this, in my experience, has been spending more time “at home” with people you care about. This offers the fulfillment that travel cannot.
20. If you have ambition, you need to date someone who also has ambition. Someone who can match your level of drive — or at least complement it in some way. Someone who gets, accepts, and admires your long-term vision. Someone who you feel you can do the same for.
21. Relationships, like anything worth pursuing, take work. Lust, devotion, and cute dates/trips are great, but strong relationships are built through hard work. Relationships die when one of you gives up on that work. If it was easy, everyone would do it, but they don’t.
22. With every new pursuit, there will be some growing pains. I recently moved my entire life to Austin, Texas, to pursue Jiu-Jitsu and train for the upcoming ADCC cycle. It’s terrifying, has been really challenging, and I’m honestly not sure if it’s going to work out sometimes. These anxieties and bumps in the road, I’ve realized, are called “growing pains”.
23. The best way to learn about yourself is to feel the fear and pain and continue anyway down the path. Building off point #23 and mixing in the idea from point #8, peace is on the other side of transcending anxiety.
24. Losing is medicine. It is not fun. It will never be fun. However, it’s something that is necessary for you to grow. Failure causes pain deep enough to provoke change. This is a good thing — if you actually change.
25. Every action you commit and every sentence you speak has consequences. Act and speak carefully — you never know who’s watching.
26. Moments of “flow” — making pizza with your girlfriend, training Jiu-Jitsu, or writing articles like this one — are the moments of happiness. The goals, results, and material desires are egoic and do not create lasting happiness. Seek flow above all — moments of stillness in the mind.
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