How to Be Excellent

Zen and the Art of Jiu-Jitsu.

Sep 06, 2024

Now that the biggest milestone I’ve ever set for myself in martial arts has come and gone, I’ve had a few weeks where I felt aimless.

At first, I’ll be honest, it was nice.

I got lots of attention for my performance (although it’s funny how the vain side of me always wishes it was a little more), I started a new teaching gig at the gym, and I kind of just reflected on what happened. I wrote a bunch of articles on it too.

But you hit a point where you realize that you need to move on to the next goal. The next thing. You can’t just relish in the past.

It kind of made me feel icky to reflect for so long, but I honestly struggled with getting past this milestone. ADCC is the Olympics of BJJ — what do I do after the biggest thing I’ve ever done? Was that my peak? Is it all downhill from here?

These questions can keep even the most peaceful people up at night.

“Sometimes it’s a little better to travel than to arrive.” — Robert M Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Here’s where I am going next.

Doubt breeds confidence.

There is a great misconception about confidence.

I wrote a little bit about confidence earlier this week, but confidence is funny because true, 100% confidence leads to very little work.

In Jiu-Jitsu, for example, we are so confident that our opponent will not punch us that we don’t even train for that situation. This is probably why when I did combat Jiu-Jitsu (Jiu-Jitsu with open palm strikes), I had a little bit of a freakout. The thing I knew as Jiu-Jitsu was changed.

It would be the equivalent of the sun not rising one day or finding out that the earth was not flat.

When it comes to things like leg lock escapes, takedown abilities, or back escapes, the self-aware athlete is less confident in their ability to escape them without training. The twinge of doubt that you feel from imperfect knowledge is what leads to fanaticism, high effort, and focus.

That little voice that tells you to keep pushing, to learn more, and to obsess over the skill is doubt — even if you only have a little bit of it.

No one is fanatical about something that they have total confidence in.

My goal is to learn to lean into this doubt and stop running from it.

“You are never dedicated to something you have complete confidence in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. They know it's going to rise tomorrow. When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt.” — Robert M Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Doubt breeds success.

After Worlds, I didn’t really know what was next.

The reason? I kind of felt scared.

I felt scared to try and compete again and not have as much success. I felt doubt about my future after such a high high. I was worried about looking like a failure.

But here’s the beautiful thing:

I’ve looked like a success and failure on the biggest stages of Jiu-Jitsu, and every single time, it’s ended up okay in the end. None of this shit really matters that much.

So, going forward my goal is to embrace that twinge of doubt that inspired me to work so hard toward this dream in the first place and to continue into the realm of the unknown. Jiu-Jitsu is something that I use to learn about myself and the world, and in order to keep doing that, I must press forward.

If I stop now, I end up just with what I have already done.

My 2 biggest goals for the end of the year.

My first goal is to set bigger and better goals.

Before ADCC, my goal was just to “not suck”. That sounds dumb in hindsight, but ADCC is a massive tournament and I didn’t have expectations that matched my result.

This is in part because it was my first ADCC and I didn’t really know what to expect, but either way, I just wanted to show up and show out. I just wanted to prove that I belonged and beat some guys I wasn’t supposed to.

I did that, but that source of motivation will not sustain me any longer. I can’t just go around being “happy to be there, really”.

That won’t bring out the best in me.

So instead, I am setting bigger goals.

My second goal is to develop peace of mind through this new goal.

As you can probably tell by the quotes used in today’s article and the subtitle, I am currently reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, by Robert M Pirsig.

One of the things that he talks about when describing “maintenance” is that peace of mind is essential for good maintenance. You need to be calm, collected, and present when trying to maintain a motorcycle.

In Jiu-Jitsu, this peace of mind is the same. If you want to become a good grappler, you need to be present, mindful, and collected. The more emotional and erratic you are, the more you will struggle and suffer on the mat.

The problem for me is that having big goals can be daunting to your peace of mind. It’s easier to have small or no goals. I even wrote a whole article about not having goals a few years ago.

But fuck that — life is too short to sacrifice your ambition in the name of anxiety.

Closing Thoughts

I’m currently in a fun phase of my career arc.

There is lots of room for improvement and many different directions that I can go in. I believe there’s still a lot of potential for me to reach. I’ve improved a lot at everything I do but I am still at a fraction of what I could consider “my best”.

But at the end of the day, it is not about arriving at your best. It’s not about winning or accumulating accolades or being famous. At least, I don’t think it should be.

Instead, the goal is to use Jiu-Jitsu, writing, and anything else I am working on as a vessel to help me be the best version of myself. The goal is to do this as well as I can for as long as I can. Maybe I can make a small positive impact along the way.

I’m interested in more than just competitive accolades or just trying to prove things — my favorite part of my life is the quest.

In Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Pirsig says that it is far better to travel than it is to arrive, and I think that in Jiu-Jitsu this applies as well.

It’s better to do less arriving and more “traveling”, even if most of the traveling is more metaphorical than literal.

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