How to Get Whatever You Want
Live like a kid in a candy store.
This weekend, I’m competing in the biggest Jiu-Jitsu tournament of my life.
But this article is not about the tournament — I’m honestly ready to be done talking about the tournament. All I’ve really done for the last 2 years is think about ADCC, try to get into ADCC, and sacrifice my body so that I could make that dream a reality.
All I’ve done for the last 2 months is talk about this ADCC. I honestly just want to do it and move on.
Instead of talking about matchups, speculation, or training, what I want to talk about today is the journey to get here. That’s really what my newsletter is about anyway. Journeys, processes, and systems to help people reach their goals.
I’m convinced, after my experience over the last few months, that what Paulo Coehlo says in The Alchemist is true:
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
Let’s talk about desire, happiness, and how to navigate the ups and downs of trying to be “successful”.
Desire is a problem.
I recently have dealt with a bit of stress-induced insomnia.
Between moving, training for ADCC, dealing with injuries, and trying to balance everything in my life, I’ve had a hard time winding down at night.
Insomnia is kind of like ambition — it makes you want one thing. However, instead of wanting success or money, you just want sleep. Rest. You will be unhappy until you get the rest you desire.
The funny thing is that the more you want to sleep, the harder it is to get. I sometimes get in this ridiculous cycle where I can’t sleep because I’m anxious about not sleeping.
It’s silly and it makes me miserable.
But it illustrates an important point:
“Desire is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want.” — Naval Ravikant
This is a Buddhist idea put into modern language by Naval Ravikant, an investor and founder of AngelList.
Here’s how it applies to Jiu-Jitsu, insomnia, and life:
If you have too many desires, you will make yourself miserable.
I realized this a while ago, and it changed my perspective on Jiu-Jitsu a lot.
I would get extremely down about losing matches and not getting the results that I wanted. I started to even think that Jiu-Jitsu was not the right career for me because I’d lose a match on a technicality or I’d make a mistake.
I wanted to win every match I did because I am a competitive person. I wanted my seminars to be bigger so I could have more money not because I wanted a more comfortable life, but because I wanted validation that I was doing the right thing. That I wasn’t wasting my time.
I wanted my articles to do well to validate that I was a good writer and that writing was good for me to pursue.
The problem with making a living through writing and grappling is that a lot of your ability to make money comes down to the approval of others. I’m not paid to perform most of the time, I’m paid to perform well.
At an acute level, this is good as it incentivizes good work, but it can become a problem as you get to higher and higher levels.
You start to desire so much that you can never be happy, and that means it’s impossible to be peaceful. You’re always yearning for something in the future and never really present where you are.
The solution is to want as few things as you can.
For the last 3 years of my BJJ career, the only thing that I have truly wanted was to compete in the ADCC World Championships.
It was my single goal that could make me forgive myself for all my other shortcomings. Every loss, the thousands of dollars spent, the failures — they could be justified by achieving this goal. It was my one desire.
Once I got that opportunity, this became that much more clear.
Throughout the last 3 years of trying to achieve this goal, there have been so many trials and tribulations. Getting to into ADCC was a combination of skill, hard work, and pure dumb luck.
It made me realize that sometimes, all you have to do is prove to the world that you want the thing as much as you possibly can.
That might sound like some spoiled brat mindset, but it’s not all about being self-centered.
This comes with sacrifices. You have to give up other things.
I quit the gi. I moved to an entirely new city. I went to 4 ADCC Trials. I competed with injuries several times. I competed in random other tournaments to help me prepare myself.
I did pretty much everything I could.
I learned lots of lessons in the process — one big one being that achieving a goal is less about achieving it and more about what you learn along the way — and I failed mostly, but I got to where I wanted to go.
The only real reason why I believe that happened is because I was stubborn and persistent.
Closing Thoughts
The main lesson that I want you to take from today is a lesson that took me a decade or more to learn.
A lesson that I still have to remind myself of every single day.
The lesson is that you can have nearly whatever you want, but you can’t have everything you want. You usually get the thing you want the most. Sometimes, you don’t that it’s the thing you want most until you get it.
For me, that was getting the chance to compete this weekend.
I don’t know what’s next, and I don’t really care yet. We’re taking things one day at a time right now.
That itself is something that I am trying to get better at doing. You can only be where you are, and your mind lies to you by telling you that you need to always be thinking 5 steps ahead.
You don’t.
Anyway, I’m in Vegas. Thank you for reading this. I’ll talk to y’all next week.
The Grappler’s Diary is sponsored by BJJ Mental Models, the world’s #1 Jiu-Jitsu podcast!
This week’s episode features David Figueroa-Martinez! David is a black belt, instructor, and writer training out of Gracie La Mesa in California.
In this episode, David discusses one of the most difficult — but sometimes essential — decisions that many grapplers will face during their journey: the decision to leave their gym.
To listen, look up BJJ Mental Models wherever you listen to your podcasts or just hit this link.
The Grappler’s Diary is also sponsored by The Brolo.
To be honest with you guys, I struggled a bit with anxiety during the ADCC prep.
How should I prepare for this competition? How can I make myself and everyone back home proud? Am I good enough?
These are things that keep me up at night.
But you know what I haven’t worried about once?
What I’m going to wear to the ADCC after party. It’s Brolos all day long. I don’t need to think — I know I’ll be the most stylish man in the club.
Anyway, get your very own Brolo here, and use Chris10 at checkout for 10% off.
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Click the link here, use CHRISW5 at checkout, and get yourself one of these limited-edition, white rashguards. You can support me and all my sponsors, and get yourself a high-quality rashguard to train in.
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