My Car Broke Down In the Middle of Nowhere
And other travel tragedies.
When it rains, it pours.
The first few weeks of my Texas trip were incredible. I was training every day with some of the best guys in the world, I met a really great girl, I was writing every day, and I was constantly getting dopamine hits from the novelty of being in a new place.
Every single training session ended with me on the verge of puking, and I loved it. I got tapped out in my first few sessions more times than I can count.
It was incredible. Everything about those first few weeks was like the training montage a Rocky-esque Jiu-Jitsu movie.
Then, as I talked about last week, I injured my hamstring.
Then, I had a bit of a meltdown.
Then — after a great last weekend in Austin with that great girl (the only way it would have been better is if I were able to compete) — I hit the road and started the 16-hour drive back to Chicago.
Just 4 hours into the journey, my car completely broke down about 30 miles outside of Mt. Pleasant, Texas.
So there I was, stuck in a tiny town, carless, spending money on a hotel room and cheap gas station food that I didn’t want, and trying to figure out where the f*ck I went wrong.
Here’s what I learned from that.
Sometimes, sh*t happens.
I wish I could tell you that I learned some big lessons from all the stuff that happened in the last few weeks.
Usually, I take personal responsibility for everything that happens in my life. This is what I’ve learned to do from years and years of working for myself and competing in combat sports.
It’s good to take responsibility for the things that happen to you. I do this for most of the things that happen. Personal responsibility is better than developing a “victim mentality”.
But is it really worth it to get upset at myself over a car breaking down (no, it wasn’t my fault)? Does it really help me to get pissed off at myself over an injury from training my hardest?
No, getting mad at these things was useless, and it’s best to spend as little time as possible angry over things that are out of your control.
Yes, I was frustrated, but I wasn’t mad at myself.
I also wasn’t mad at anyone else, either.
I was mad at the universe.
I quickly realized that being mad at the universe is useless, I’ve always felt that it’s bad juju to be mad at the universe.
That’s why, in the wake of everything that’s sucked over these last few weeks, I’ve just tried to move on.
Does my leg still hurt? Yes.
Is my car still broken? Yes.
Is my life a bit chaotic right now? Oh hell yes.
But there is little benefit to complaining and blaming various entities over the things that have not worked out for me. All there is to do when stuck in a sh*t storm is to keep moving forward.
If you don’t, you’ll get stuck in a pile of your own (and other people’s) bullsh*t.
When life is not going well, it’s even more important to be mindful.
When things aren’t going well, people tend to put their heads down and keep pressing forward.
They try desperately to ignore their negative feelings and move on to the future, where hopefully more positive feelings exist. They use their phone, food, drugs, alcohol, porn, or whatever their cheap dopamine of choice is as a way of helping them escape the uncomfortable pain of the present.
This is not a good thing. This is actually, if you asked me, one of the biggest existential problems of modern society.
We’re so used to getting what we want that we have become entitled. We know that all of our negative feelings can be eased quickly through some form of cheap escapism, and so we do that. We escape discomfort by whatever means necessary.
I long ago decided that I don’t want to feel good all the time.
I want a real experience, not a shiny one that looks fun on Instagram or whatever.
That reminds me of this quote by Aldous Huxley, which I touched on in a post a few weeks ago:
“But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.”― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
This quote, in my opinion, is a good life motto.
You can either have everything go “well”, or you can have all of the different sensations listed by Mr. Huxley above.
But truthfully, for all of us, nothing is going to go well, all the time.
You might as well lean into the discomfort.
Make an effort to find the good in the bad.
The last thing that helps me when I’m dealing with stress is slowing down and being positive.
Super unique advice, right? “Be positive.”
Whatever — it works.
When I pair this effort to be positive with the mindfulness I talked about above, I find that the negative emotions I experience are significantly less overwhelming. The stress of my leg hurting or the stress of trying to figure out where to live or how to make more money is a lot less bad after a nice conversation with a friend, a good meal, a good book, a good song, or, what I’ve really liked lately a good walk.
“Staying positive” is super corny and very cliche advice, but I don’t really care, it’s the most profound advice I can give you. The deeper you get into a sh*tstorm, the harder positivity becomes.
Find a way to keep moving, working, and smiling through all the madness. You might look insane to other people, but most sane people are miserable.
Just because you’re experiencing a downswing doesn’t mean you have to embody the negative emotions your experience is providing you.
Have the strength to find joy even when things are going bad.
Closing Thoughts
This winter/spring was crazy.
I went on 10 trips, one of which was a month long. I competed 4 times, had 2 pretty significant injuries (my hamstring and my knee back in February), and my competition results have been all over the place. I had a few good wins and several devastating losses.
A lot is still changing for me over the next few months, too. I’ll let you all know about that stuff soon.
However, for now, all I’m trying to focus on are the 3 principles I mentioned in this article:
not getting upset with myself over things that are out of my control
being mindful
making an effort to find good things on bad days
And really, if I’m being honest, these 3 principles are key for anyone who’s going through a challenging time. I’ve learned them over the years through battling injuries, the financial stress that comes with grappling full-time, and just my own cognitive challenges.
In time, everything will be okay. Even if everything goes to sh*t, there’s still a way everything is okay.
You just need to learn to see that for yourself.
Until then, I’ll probably sound like a bit of a lunatic.
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