One Mindset Shift That Will Change How You See Failure
You'll always keep coming back for more.
One thing that I’ll never do is hate on someone who’s trying to create something.
A podcast, a newsletter, a blog, a business, a Jiu-Jitsu career — whatever. I see a lot of people just berate others for “trying to be Joe Rogan” or trying to be whoever else is successful in their field. It’s so common to hate on people for trying to build a life that has more of what they love and less of what they don’t.
See, I started out writing shitty articles on Medium in 2020 and teaching BJJ private lessons for $50 a pop.
I spent years hustling for the right to do what I do now — go to training every day, compete all over the world, and work on cool writing projects. I started out ghostwriting blog posts, then social media content, and then now, books. I started out competing out of my pocket, then small shows, and eventually, ADCC.
I worked my way up. I continue to do this every day.
In all of my endeavors, I’ve had a lot of failures, setbacks, and moments when I wanted to give up. Hell, I’ve had a lot of those moments this year.
That is until I learned this one key mindset shift.
You don’t know how the story ends.
I like to read.
This year, I’ve had a heavy emphasis on classic fiction. A few of my favorite books from this year are The Sun Also Rises, A Tale of Two Cities, and 100 Years of Solitude. Currently, my girlfriend and I are watching the new series of 100 Years of Solitude that just came out on Netflix.
These 3 novels are very different in style and structure, but in all of them, there’s one key element that keeps you turning the pages.
It’s the element of surprise. The fact that the stories are unpredictable.
You keep reading these stories because you’re not sure where they’re going and you want to find out. If you close the book, the only thing that is guaranteed is that you will not figure out where the story ends.
You might not like the ending, but you might — however, it’s not really about the ending. It’s about (and pretentious as this may seem) the journey to get to the ending.
Your endeavors to build things in your life — whether it’s Jiu-Jitsu skills, a relationship, an online business, or all of the above — is a similar kind of story.
But there’s one key element that you need to remember when you’re writing that story.
“Where I am is exactly where I’m supposed to be.”
Society today forces us to live with constant comparison, scarcity, FOMO, and anxiety.
I feel this a lot when it comes to building my writing business and also competing in Jiu-Jitsu.
This year, for example, I had a heartbreaking match at ADCC. I also had a heartbreaking match at EBI. I also lost a tough one at PGF. I was so close to some major achievements in 3 different weight classes and 3 different rulesets.
I did have good achievements — making the finals in these events is no easy feat — but I came up short.
In the moments after failure, it’s easy to berate myself for even trying. For not being good enough. For struggling.
When I write something that doesn’t do super well, I sometimes think that I’m not supposed to be doing this. I lose faith.
At least, for a bit.
The idea that I have begun to commit myself to is the idea that where I am right now is exactly where I am supposed to be.
I guess it’s the belief in a higher power, but more than that it’s just faith in what I am doing, where I have been, and where I am going.
Before a match, I tell myself that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. After a win, the same thing. The key is that after a bad result, the internal messaging does not change.
Closing Thoughts
Just a short one for this week as next week will be the last Friday of 2024 and I have a pretty long article planned.
The lesson for today is if you’re trying to make anything happen in this life, whether it be with work, Jiu-Jitsu, your personal life, or anything else, the idea that keeps working for me and that I keep coming back to is that where I am is where I am supposed to be.
However, that does not mean that I am supposed to like wherever I am at all times. It just means acceptance of the present is a requirement for being able to better the future.
Building things — which was my theme for this year — requires you to take stock of reality and accept it for what it is so that you can accurately change it.
In moments where I’m overwhelmed, anxious, or bummed, I just remind myself that where I am is where I need to be and it’s not the end of the story.
Just like a character in a novel, there’s more to the story.
You just need to make the right choices.
The Grappler’s Diary is sponsored by BJJ Mental Models, the world’s #1 Jiu-Jitsu podcast!
This week we're joined again by Defensive BJJ coach and BJJMM fan-favorite guest Priit Mihkelson!
In this episode, Priit discusses the importance of angles when defending from inferior positions. Priit explains concepts for finding the correct angle when defending from the bottom, such as maintaining a 45° angle relative to the floor after your legs have been cleared, and how "making a capital T" by positioning your body perpendicular to your opponent can prevent them from wrapping their arm around your head.
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