One Simple Quote From a Lunatic That Keeps Me From Giving Up
Anxiety and philosophy.
Every time I compete in Jiu-Jitsu, I feel anxiety.
It’s not always a strong anxiety, but no matter what, anxiety is always for me there in some form. Just like armbars and chokes, it’s a part of the activity.
Sometimes, I feel anxious about my competition itself. Other times, I feel anxiety about other things before competitions (like finances, relationships, or “What am I doing with my life”) but these feelings are really just exacerbated by my anxiety about competitions.
But are those nerves that I’m experiencing really a problem? Are they really anything but temporary unpleasant sensations?
It’s honestly hard to tell.
I’ve competed hundreds of times, yet nerves are still there in some form or another every single time. The presence of my anxiety before competitions used to bother me a lot. It used to cause me sleepless nights, angry outbursts, and even mild out-of-body experiences.
But not so much anymore.
Here’s one key idea from everyone’s favorite lunatic philosopher that has helped me reframe my anxiety about BJJ competition and pretty much everything else in my life.
The delicate balance of performing your best.
I used to think that “inner peace” was the key to good athletic performances, good work, and good displays of skill.
I was right – partially.
While it’s true that living a more boring and peaceful existence is a major key to building skills (routines are better than hectic schedules) performance is a bit different and more complicated.
The essence of performance is that it’s a break in your routine. It’s not something you do every day. It’s got a bit of chaos in it — inherently.
No matter how you train, going to a Jiu-Jitsu tournament is different from training every day. Your favorite music sounds different in person than it does in the studio. Starting a new relationship requires you to go against the normal routines that you have when you’re single.
All of the most creative experiences that humans are capable of require you to live at least a little bit differently than what you do in your day-to-day.
They all will require you to embrace chaos.
A quote from the crazy Walrus guy.
Friedrich Nietzsche was a brilliant thinker who lost his mind. He also had a mustache that made him look like a Walrus.
No one bought his books, he struggled romantically and socially, and he constantly dealt with physical health issues, depression, and even hearing voices.
As the story goes, one day he was walking down the street and saw a horse getting beaten by its master, and it triggered a psychotic episode that essentially ended his functional life.
This psychotic episode was likely caused by his mental health issues, possibly an STD from a prostitute, or maybe even a tumor. Whatever the cause, it’s clear that life was unkind to Nietzsche.
He was troubled, neurotic, and highly chaotic.
That’s why I love this simple quote from one of his books, Thus Spoke Zarathustra:
“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”
From the surface, it sounds like a quote you’d say when trying to encourage someone to believe in themselves. It sounds like something you’d say to a friend trying to be their best despite all of the chaos and imperfection inside them. It sounds like what you’d say to someone who falls short.
But that’s not what it was.
This quote — and much of the rest of Thus Spoke Zarathustra — is about transcending pain. Transcending the human condition. Self-mastery.
Becoming.
What about you?
After Nietzsche’s psychotic break, things only got worse from there — at least for a while.
He never recovered, his crazy sister went and published work under his name that eventually made people think he was antisemitic and bigoted, oh, and he died. Pretty much his entire life was pain, misery, and suffering.
It’s no wonder he’s the poster boy philosopher of emo kids who have taken their emo-ness too far.
But that isn’t the end of Nietzsche’s story.
The chaos inside of you is not the end of your story, either.
If anything, that chaos is the most important part of the story.
See, in the end, it turned out that Nietzsche wasn’t crazy after all. He was brilliant. He was chaotic and imperfect, but he gave birth to one of the greatest dancing stats Western philosophy has ever seen.
Nietzsche’s ideas that no one gave a crap about lived long past his death. He’s widely regarded as one of the most influential Western philosophers ever. You can find themes of Nietzsche’s ideas in pretty much every sci-fi movie released today.
The chaos that Nietzsche had in himself helped him give birth to a dancing star — he just never got to see it during his lifetime.
Closing Thoughts
Jiu-Jitsu (and life) is an experience full of internal and external order and chaos.
Chaos is a good thing — just like order is. The problem is going too far in either direction.
Before important events or tests, like a Jiu-Jitsu tournament, job interview, first date, etc, you feel that chaos more intensely than normal. You think that your chaos is a sign that you are going to fail. That you didn’t do enough to prepare.
I’m not telling you how to make the chaos go away — doing that is different for everyone — but I am telling you that maybe your chaos is telling you something. Maybe the chaos inside of you is going to help you create something great.
People think that they need to get to a certain place in order to succeed — give birth to their “dancing star”.
This isn’t the case. That’s the great illusion. You’re never going to feel “ready”.
You simply do.
If you do the work, you have the skills to succeed, and you perform well, you’re doing the thing — even if you feel anxiety or “chaos” before a big test.
You need order to build skills, and chaos to let it fly when the time is right.
You need both.
Yin and Yang. Peanut butter and jelly. Cookies and milk.
The balance of opposites.
Today’s issue of The Grappler’s Diary is sponsored by BJJ Mental Models!
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