Please Don't Quit
A letter to my younger self.
A few weeks ago, a friend shared a picture of a Jiu-Jitsu competition that we participated in together back in January 2023.
This competition was a little more than 2 years ago, and although that isn’t really that much time, my life has been pretty much flipped on its head in these last 2 years.
January of 2023 was about 6 months before I moved full-time to Austin, Texas.
In that competition, I wasn’t really able to do anything for my team. I struggled to get any offense going. I got my guard passed. I had 3 draws.
My team won the event (and a whopping $1000 and some little knives as a prize), but it wasn’t because of anything I did. All I did was help us not lose.
Flashforward 2 years, and life is much different. I live in Texas, I’m engaged, and I’m traveling the world, training, writing, and living the lifestyle I used to dream about. But the exterior is just the tip of the iceberg.
Here’s what happened these last 2 years.
First, I took a bunch of chances.
I packed up my car and drove down to Austin, Texas, for a month to train at B-Team.
I didn’t know what, if anything, was going to come of this. I didn’t really know anyone, I wasn’t sure if my body was going to be able to handle the training, and the only thing I knew about Austin was that BBQ was popular down here.
I was in for a rude awakening.
Around the same time, I invested $1000 into a digital writing course. This investment led me to start writing little “atomic essays” 5 days per week about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. After a few days of sharing, I created an Instagram page called “The Grappler’s Diary”.
A couple of months later, I’d invest about $6000 more into a ghostwriting course.
Then, a girl I started talking to on Twitter took a big chance and flew out to Austin to meet me and go on a date. We both took a chance and decided to enter a long-distance relationship.
After my month of training, I knew I had to move to Texas to try and be the grappler I wanted to be. Around this time, I was having extremely hit-or-miss competition results. I’d beat a world-class guy in one event and lose to a no-name in the next.
In July of 2025, I moved to Texas with an average monthly income of less than $2000. My rent was about $1500.
Then, it all went to shit.
Moving to Texas without any sort of job lined up was not my brightest idea, but it also forced me to get creative.
I learned some new skills, I was forced to work harder than ever, and most importantly, I had to overcome one of my biggest fears — the fear of failure/putting myself out there — in order to survive.
I started competing all the time.
I did Combat Jiu-Jitsu, competed in local events, and competed in random shows all over the world. The goal was to get ready for the ADCC Trials. After the first 2 ADCC Trials (I took bronze at one and lost in the quarters of the other), the goal became to get ready for the second ADCC Trials.
Around this time, I was struggling a lot financially, but the main thing I struggled with was doubt.
Doubting whether I was good enough. Doubting if I belonged. Doubting everything.
It was a hard time.
I remember one week in particular when I got 2 flat tires within a few days (these Austin potholes can be unkind), and I lost it.
I just wanted to go home. To quit.
Then, things started to turn around — sort of.
Progress is nonlinear.
Even now, I still feel like I have good days and bad days.
Last April, I had a good performance at the ADCC Trials (a tournament I almost didn’t do because, well, everything had gone to shit) and Craig Jones created the Craig Jones Invitational.
Both of which led me to be in contention for an ADCC invite that year.
Suddenly, I got the invite to ADCC 2024, and I was on a high. Even though I didn’t have much more money than I’d had before, even though I literally had lost to several of the guys already in ADCC, and even though I didn’t have too much business being in ADCC (shout out to Craig for creating a catalyst that reignited my pro grappling career), I went into ADCC with something that I hadn’t had for years: hope.
Throughout the ADCC prep, I still dealt with doubts, injuries, and even a week of stress-induced insomnia, but I was fulfilled and excited.
Life was changing fast.
It had been about a year and a half since the tournament with the knives I mentioned in the intro, but I was living a completely different life.
I had income and prospects to make money. I paid off my credit card. Mayra, who had been with me through the entire period when I struggled, had moved to Texas with me. Together, we went through everything.
We moved in together a few weeks before ADCC. A few months after ADCC, I started to think about proposing.
And finally, today.
Today, life is very different from how it was.
Physically, I live a very similar lifestyle. I wake up at around the same time as I have since moving to Texas, I just have a fiancé now. I do the same thing every morning as I have done for years — write for a few hours.
I still train very hard every day.
I guess on the surface, it almost looks like the same life, but it feels very different.
Everything feels more important but less scary. I don’t feel like I’m drowning anymore. I feel like I’m excited.
I see failure as data.
In the process of getting here, I wanted to quit many times. I think it’s normal to want to quit at times, especially when you’re doing something unorthodox or atypical with your life.
It’s not weak to crave the comfort of familiarity as we wade deeper and deeper into the unknown. It makes us human.
But we’re also human because we want to experience the unknown. We want the adventure.
But I guess that’s the beauty of it.
Closing Thoughts
We’re getting near the mid-point of the year.
Around this time, I usually start to think about my mid-year reflection article, where I reflect on everything that has happened.
2 years ago, I probably characterized my year as “bad”. A year ago, I’d call it “good”.
This year? I’m not really sure. If anything, I’d call this year weird. Surreal.
I don’t really have any profound lessons from this year so far. I haven’t tried anything new or revolutionary. I’m just staying on the same path that I have been on for the last few years, and moving forward and deeper down it.
I’m just really thankful that I didn’t quit at all the times these last few years when it seemed like a good idea.
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