The 5 pillars of success (for me).
A strong house requires a strong foundation.
At 22, I won the purple belt no-gi World Championship in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
This was, at the time, a remarkable, life-changing, and eye-opening achievement for me. It was perhaps the best achievement that I was capable of earning at the time in my life. Besides perhaps graduating college, which I wasn’t much interested in anyway.
But this victory was achieved without a foundation. I was not a complete person back then. I was 22, and not many 22-year-olds are “well-rounded”. I certainly was not.
Nonetheless, for a time, I feared that I’d peaked at 22. I thought I was already at the top of the mountain of my potential for success, happiness, and peace.
The reality was that I was merely just discovering how big the mountain really was.
Over the next 4 years (I turn 26 on Monday), I’ve completely restructured my life. I’ve become more systematic, more professional, happier, and, most importantly of all, more well-rounded.
These are the 5 pillars that keep me functioning at a high level in everything I do.
The pursuit of failure.
There are 2 kinds of dreamers in the world.
First, there are those who embrace failure as part of the process. This is the kind of person I am striving to be. This is why I moved my whole life across the United States last week to chase a dream. This is why I have failed so much in Jiu-Jitsu, writing, and my life.
I take a lot of shots. If you’ve wrestled with me, you know that’s true. I play life on offense.
I strive to be the kind of dreamer who doesn't stop shooting.
The other type of dreamer is the person who is scared to fail but dreams anyway. This is the kind of person I used to be. These people are typically unhappy and resentful of person type 1.
In Jiu-Jitsu, these are “sandbaggers”. The guys who only take matches they know they can win. The guys who are obsessed with protecting their brand.
All of my success, happiness, and ambition come from chasing failure.
Love.
Ah, love.
Lame, right? It’s a lame topic, but it is essential to a good life.
When I was younger, I used to think I could go through everything alone. I thought that if I was more of a “lone wolf” I would be happier.
As a result, I would distance myself from my family. I’d alienate every girlfriend who’d try to get close to me. I’d rather have died than ask my friends for anything.
I viewed myself as being “self-reliant”, but in reality, I was being self-absorbed. Self-reliance is a dangerous trait to misunderstand and I misunderstood the hell out of it.
If you want to be happy and successful, you do need to be self-reliant, but you also need others. This doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. It’s better to not run from the things that make you human.
Humans are social creatures. We need love. We need friends. We need family.
But the further you push them away, the harder these people get to retract back to you.
Hard work.
Hard work won’t always be fun, but it will always be essential.
However, the value of hard work goes deeper than just getting better results in the things you pursue. Hard work is imperative to self-esteem.
Hard work breeds self-esteem because you start treating yourself like someone who you are responsible for taking care of.
Which… you are.
I’m pretty sure the lobster guy wrote about this far more eloquently than I ever can.
Either way, a lot of people misunderstand the value of hard work. Hard work is what you do so you can look at yourself in the mirror every morning without being ashamed and embarrassed of what you’re doing with your life. Hard work is what you do so you can feel pride, humility, and meaning — all in one moment.
In everything I do, hard work is a foundation.
Hard work on the mat. Hard work at the keyboard. Hard work in the gym. Hard work in my relationships. Hard work in the kitchen (I’m trying to get better at cooking).
Mastery does not exist without a great deal of hard work. Don’t think you’re the exception.
Deep thought.
This isn’t a reference to the computer in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but you, like the computer, should try to figure out the meaning of life — for you.
You might be surprised by what you find.
For me, the priorities that I had at 18 or 19 are completely different than the priorities that I have now. My life is structured differently. I pursue deeper and more challenging goals now. I am more fulfilled now. I have more love in my life now.
I figured out what I wanted through traveling, reading, writing, and trying different things, and meditating on these experiences. I built meaning through experience and logic and thought.
My life makes sense. Not everyone can say that.
Sure, I’m not sure if things are going to “work out”, but I am confident that the actions I am currently taking are aligned with my fulfillment.
I trust my brain, and I’ve thought quite deeply about the structure of my life. I’m not above constant reinvention and reimagination of my daily life.
Deep thought is good for you. Just don’t overdo it.
Health.
This is probably the most important point on this list, but it’s also the least sexy.
“Health is wealth,” is what they say, and they’re right. If you are not healthy, you will not be able to do any of the things on this list appropriately — try as you might.
You might think deeply, but if you’re unhealthy, your thoughts will be jaded. You might work hard, but if you’re unhealthy, you’ll drive yourself into the ground. You might confuse love with codependency like I once did. You might fail so badly that you can rewrite your wrongs.
Health is the cornerstone pillar that keeps my entire foundation together.
That’s why I’ve been a lot more interested in health over the last year or so.
I’ve been focusing more on recovery. I’ve been focusing more on my sleep. I’ve been focusing on my mental health and managing my anxiety.
If I do all these things, I function at the highest level I can. This makes me very happy and fulfilled.
Closing Thoughts
Success is all about systems.
In Jiu-Jitsu matches, when I’m gasping for air, clutching my hips, and realizing I don’t know the technique that I need to know to put out a win, I try to dig deep — but deep down we all know that digging deep is usually a sign that you’re compensating for a lack of preparation.
The truth is that you win matches months and weeks before the match takes place.
Likewise, businesses are built over months and years of hard work. Books are written from hours upon hours of time at the keyboard, hammering out perfect paragraphs.
Success in anything requires a strong foundation.
For me at least, these 5 pillars are non-negotiables for my foundation. Here they are for you one more time:
The pursuit of failure
Love
Hard work
Deep thought
Health
If I have these 5 things, my life will always have enough.
“I have learned that every waken moment is enough and excess never leads to better things it only piles and piles on top of the things that are already abundantly in front of you — like breathing, and chasing, and slowing dancing, and love making, fighting, and laughing.” — Zach Bryan
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