The Art of Not Being Yourself
A guide to magical escapism.
I recently got back from a several-week-long vacation.
I wrote about this last week, but I didn’t train Jiu-Jitsu for 2 weeks besides teaching a seminar last weekend, I didn’t exercise besides walking a crap ton through the various European cities I toured, and my diet was terrible.
Okay, that’s a lie — my diet was delicious — but not very structured and not very nutritious.
This made me realize the pros and cons of taking a long break, but it also offered a lot of other value for me. I experienced a lot of novel ideas during this escape. I learned a lot about the world that I wouldn’t have learned if I was on the mat every day.
I was technically “running from my reality” — paying for things without really looking at the price tag, having wine at dinner every night, and barely working besides writing this newsletter — but it was a good time. It also hasn’t been too hard for me to get back to reality.
I came back to my reality of training, lifting, writing, and working on my businesses every single day with a newfound appreciation for my routine and insight into how to live a better life.
I escaped reality, but I did so in a way that I believe was conducive to growth.
This is the art of escaping reality.
“Wake up.”
In society today — whether it’s in Jiu-Jitsu or the rest of our lives — there are a lot of people who claim that consumerism is brainwashing us and robbing us of independent thought and experience.
That the modern world is making our lives worse.
But the truth is it’s not what you do, it’s how and when you do it.
Take my recent trip to Europe, for example.
I went to Europe on a vacation after 6 weeks of following a strict routine at home. I went to Europe for a vacation after several months of training, teaching, and competing regularly in Jiu-Jitsu. I worked for a long time before I decided to enjoy my trip.
Every time I take a trip, I don’t just go to go, I make sure I earn the trip — both financially and spiritually — so that I can enjoy it for real. So it’s as fun as possible.
Sure, sometimes traveling the world is self-indulgent as does more harm than good, but I don’t that my recent trip was like that. It was an escape, but an existentially productive one.
It was productive in its unproductivity.
The art of living is complex.
When I was in Europe, I was kind of a different person.
This is not because I have multiple personalities or because I was “running from responsibility”, but rather it was because the person that I am when I am at home — a bit high-strung, constantly working, and always awaiting my next workout — would have had a miserable time while on holiday in a European city. I would have hated my life if I spent my entire vacation training multiple times per day, eating chicken, box pasta, and veggies, and sitting at the keyboard for 3 hours every morning.
So, I had to adapt. I had to start thinking differently.
What I found was both terrifying and enlightening.
I enjoyed the escape. I enjoyed not being myself. I enjoyed trying on a different personality, thinking about the world differently, and living according to a different routine for a couple of weeks.
I mean, I took a nap every day, drank every other day, and didn’t exercise. That’s something Chris at home couldn’t fathom doing.
At home, I’m hyper-disciplined. Pretty much all I do is work and train and do chores. This has been true wherever I have lived.
But that was probably why I was writing with writer’s burnout (worse than writer’s block for sure) for several weeks before going on my trip. I had no escape from “work”.
All work and no play makes Chris suck at working.
However, this was a terrifying realization. As someone who doesn’t “play” very much, I became scared that I was going to lose everything I’d worked for and become a lazy, homeless alcoholic wandering the streets of Madrid living off of wine and “free Tapas”.
While I can think of worse existences, this did not happen.
Instead, I came home understanding the value of escapism.
Escapism is not bad, it’s how you use it.
For example, a binge-able Netflix series could be a psyop planted by society to keep you from thinking for yourself, pursuing your goals, and living a “real life”, but it could also just be a nice way to escape responsibility and recover for a few hours after a long week.
We all escape reality every day — it’s best to have control over your escapism. If you don’t escape reality on your terms, someone will set the terms for you.
Some of us escape through meditation. Others lose themselves in music or their favorite books or movies. Some of us lose ourselves at Jiu-Jitsu training or during workouts at the gym. We all escape ourselves sometimes.
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t, but I do know a lot of people who lie about it.
Escape is not a bad thing — it’s a necessary part of the human experience.
Maybe if we lived in a world that prioritized mental health, love, and community we wouldn’t need an escape, but I don’t know if that’s even true. Human beings have been using different things to escape their realities for as long as we have existed.
The escape is not what’s bad. It’s an addiction to it that’s bad.
Closing Thoughts
Trying to be “awake” all the time is the antithesis of what makes a good life.
It means to be all work and no play. All order and no chaos. It means to lack balance.
The art of escaping reality is the foundation of a life where you can explore, taste, learn, and truly grow. One where you can be free from everything — including yourself.
I’m currently reading Freedom From the Known by Jiddu Krishnamurti. The title of that book is what inspired this article. Escape what you know and become what you are.
The problem with focus is that ignores what it cannot see. You are deeply concentrated on one thing, but ignoring key details that are out of view. Our society celebrates focus and hustle, but these things only have value because their opposite exists.
To escape reality is to attempt to see the key details that you’re missing and to learn about yourself in ways that you didn’t know before.
But you don’t need to travel the world to do this. You just need to listen to the voice within yourself with a little less judgment of what is good and bad. You need to experiment. To try new things.
To play.
That’s the art of not being yourself.
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Also published this week:
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