The Mid-Year Review: Stories, Goals, Reflections, and More
Growing pains, body aches, and what it all means.
This post is longer than most of my newsletters.
Feel free to skip around, skip over sections that bore you, or whatever you’d like. This post can be read out of order. I wrote this post to help myself digest what’s been a crazy 6 months, and I’m hoping that maybe from my lessons, you can learn something that might help you too.
I included a summary of where I’m at in all of the most important phases of my life, and I also included a key lesson at the end of each section.
Without further ado, let’s dive in.
Jiu-Jitsu
Jiu-Jitsu is the center of my life, so it only makes sense that the first section of this reflection looks at my progress in Jiu-Jitsu.
Starting late last year, I began to feel myself “stalling” in my technical and athletic growth, while also dealing with more injuries than I had been in previous years. I became frustrated.
I’ll talk more about these injuries in the health and fitness section, but my main response to this frustration was that I decided to “shock my environment” in terms of training. I decided to travel—for a long time.
That led to spending time training in New York, Texas, California, and most recently last week, Toledo, Ohio.
I’ve also been less active with competitions thus far this year (just 4), but more active with training trips. I’ve been on 13 trips so far this year, and all of them have had a significant Jiu-Jitsu lifestyle component, as opposed to my normal quick-in, quick-out competition trips.
But more on that in a bit.
In terms of competition, this year has been difficult. Black belt is hard.
I competed once in January, and then I injured my knee. Then I competed once in March and lost a tough match, and then I competed at Grapplefest in the UK and lost another tough match.
A few weeks after my trip to Europe, I competed once in a tournament in Chicago, and I won the over 170 pounds bracket. This concluded, at least for a while, my life as a “heavyweight”.
I had plans to compete twice in May in the 185-pound division at 2 tournaments (I realized after my losses this year that I needed to be more active on the competition scene), but in mid-May, I tore my hamstring. The last few weeks have been spent rehabbing this injury.
One of my biggest goals for this year had been to establish myself as a competitor who can be dangerous at both 170 pounds and 185 pounds, but that has proven to be quite difficult. My next 3 matches are all at 175–180 pounds, and I’ll be focusing on 77 KG for the Trials this year.
The decision to cross-train for essentially several months non-stop has been a costly and demanding one, but I feel better about my Jiu-Jitsu than I have in the last 12 months. I’m also hoping to settle into a more permanent home soon.
Key lesson on BJJ this year so far: If you stop moving, you die. Don’t become complacent (literally and metaphorically).
Health and Fitness
Health and fitness to me is the backbone of my Jiu-Jitsu success and the pursuit of further Jiu-Jitsu success, so I put this second, after Jiu-Jitsu itself.
What I realized late last year was that my inability to effectively cut weight for competitions was destroying my longevity as a 170-pound competitor. I was training hard, but I wasn’t super healthy.
I did harder weight cuts than I ever have before for all 3 of the Trials last year, with the West Coast Trials being the worst one, the East Coast the second worst, and the European Trials being the worst cut I’ve ever had.
I actually haven’t made 170 pounds in quite a while (it’s been over a year now), but I’ve had 4 cuts to 175, and all of them have gone much better than the cuts to 170. This tells me that if I leave some extra time and focus more on my diet and fitness in the weeks leading up to this year's ADCC Trials, I can do a better job of making weight and performing better.
I’ve also been working with a nutrition coach for the last 9 months, and while Ryan offers great resources and diet plans, what I really feel I get out of working with him is an extra mind to bounce ideas off of.
In terms of injuries, I’ve struggled a lot this year.
In February, I injured my knee in a training session. I didn’t get an MRI, but it was likely a minor meniscus tear, and it healed itself over several weeks. This injury wasn’t anyone’s fault, but the result of a freak accident in training.
In May, I experienced a grade 2 hamstring tear, and that f*cking hurt — a lot. Sitting on the toilet was painful, rolling, lifting weights, and other intense exercises were completely out of the question for several weeks.
This injury, in hindsight, was my fault. I was overtraining (this explains why I got sick when I was in Texas), under-recovering, and pushing myself too hard trying to submit a giant training partner (I was rolling with a 6'5, 220-pound ADCC veteran when I hurt myself).
What I’ve been working on over the last few weeks is dialing in more on my nutrition, my strength training, and my sleep while being more deliberate in my training. I’m getting healthy again.
Unless I start taking steroids, I’m going to have to be extra careful of how much I am exerting my body over the next few months.
I’ve also added walks and bike rides to my routine as well. These are especially nice when the weather is warm, and they’re great for mental health as well as physical.
Key lesson: Training hard is irrelevant if you are unable to get on the mat due to injury.
Writing/Business
Writing is half my business, so this section will focus half on my growth as a writer, and half on my growth as the owner of a writer/Jiu-Jitsu business (if you’re wondering, my taxes are obnoxiously complicated).
As a writer, I’ve grown a lot this year.
In the past, I measured my writing success mostly off of digital metrics, like views, likes, cash per month, etc. However, this year, I’ve changed my approach and I’ve been focusing more on improving my skill as a writer so that I can write better long-form content, kind of like this article that you’re reading now.
I’ve been working with 1 ghostwriting client, writing a blog for a gear company, working on my newsletter, and writing The Grappler’s Diary on Instagram and Twitter.
I’ve also basically stopped writing on Medium to focus entirely on these projects, and I’m also working on a few other writing projects that I can’t quite tease just yet. This leads me to the biggest lessons I’ve learned this year.
One of my new goals with writing and business is to stop telling people on social media/real life about things I’m working on and just do them.
Some suggest that you are less likely to finish big goals that you tell people about, which implies to me that you’re more likely to accomplish goals you don’t tell people about.
Not everyone is like this, but when it comes to myself, I’ve found that keeping my plans close to my chest (only telling 1 or 2 people) is better than telling everyone.
In terms of my business, my biggest goal for this year has been an increase in efficiency, even if that means a decrease in profit in the short term.
What I found as I was ending my days as a kid’s instructor in Chicago is that I was constantly overworked and overtired. I couldn't sleep because I’d be up at night fantasizing about all the work I should have been doing, I’d be teaching classes and lessons all day, and still trying to manage training myself.
Because of this, I’ve been recently sacrificing a lot of cheaper opportunities in the name of higher ticket ones in the future.
In terms of BJJ, I quit my job teaching classes and instead am focusing on my writing and seminars (and a few private lessons), and I’m spending more time working on perfecting my crafts—my skills.
This makes me happier, even if it makes my life a little harder in the short term. I’ve come to see this as a necessary evil for professional fulfillment.
My goals for the second half of the year are to keep working on what I’ve already been doing, to further grow The Grappler’s Diary on Instagram, and to create an online store. I also am working on some new writing endeavors for myself and for my business. I will explain those closer to their release dates.
Key lesson: Social media makes you addicted to instant gratification. Fight it.
Personal life/Fulfillment
Originally, I titled this section “personal life/happiness”, but I don’t think my goal in life is to optimize for happiness anymore.
I am a happy person. I make the choice to be happy every day.
I am still happy alone in an airport finishing this article, and I will be just as happy when I step onto the mat to compete this weekend. My happiness doesn’t change no matter what I do.
This is because, instead of trying to be happy, I am more interested in being fulfilled.
I want to have meaningful relationships, do meaningful work, and live a meaningful life. I am doing this more and more every day.
Yes, sometimes I get stressed, sometimes I get tired, and sometimes I want to give up, but the sense of fulfillment I feel from getting to live the life I do is far stronger than other senses of anxiety or exhaustion I might have.
This purpose can be really helpful when I’m feeling alone and anxious in a new city or having a disagreement with any of the people in my life who I care about deeply.
One person in particular who I care about deeply is my girlfriend MJ. The relationship is still just a few months old, but I like her a lot and I care deeply about her. She’s one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, and watching her resilient spirit as she fights her way back to a normal life after a devastating knee injury last fall leaves me in awe.
Trying to be a professional Jiu-Jitsu athlete, a writer, and someone who can juggle a relationship is challenging, but everything I have to do feels right — even if it’s a lot. My new relationship is one of the best things I’ve been working on in 2023 thus far, and I’m enjoying every page of this new story.
Lastly, personally, I’m also going to be moving out of Chicago soon.
I’ll likely be moving in early August. To me, this seems like the perfect time to move in terms of my personal and athletic growth, my happiness, and giving myself the ability to have a new experience in a new place. I haven’t lived outside of Chicagoland since I was 18 and living in Oregon. The details of my move are still being finalized, but this is on the horizon and coming fast.
Key lesson: Don’t be afraid to take on new challenges. Don’t be afraid of new friends. Don’t be afraid, and if you are, feel the fear and do something new anyway.
Mental Health
Mentally, this year has been especially unique because I’ve put myself in a lot of stressful situations.
I’ve also stopped going to therapy (there are fewer opportunities to go to therapy if you’re constantly on the road), I’ve quit antidepressants, and I’ve invested a lot of money into resources for professional growth as opposed to resources for my mental well-being.
I’ve made a lot of sacrifices, but my formerly agonizing anxiety and depression are not making my life more difficult right now.
My ADHD is still a problem. It makes me impulsive, I blurt out things I shouldn’t, and I don’t pay attention to important things sometimes, but I am doing better with this and I am not allowing myself to settle into an inattentive lifestyle.
I am maintaining my mental health with 3 main habits that I believe keep me extremely happy and anxiety free.
Intense exercise (at least once per day, 6-7 days per week)
Reading (daily)
Walks (3–7x per week)
Intense exercise is great because it kills my anxiety, and my depression is closely linked to my anxiety. I know I have the mental tools to get through life when I can’t exercise (like an injury), but I prefer to not have to use them. Intense exercise is one of the best ways to treat anxiety.
Reading is a great activity for helping me improve my focus because it forces me to slow down and pay attention to details. This, I believe, makes me a better thinker and listener. When I am not reading regularly, I am more likely to be inattentive. (Here’s a list of some of my favorite books)
Walking has been a habit that I added recently, solely because I wanted a low-impact way to lose weight for a match. However, walking has been the single best habit that I have added to my life in the last year.
Walking gives me time to think, visualize, blow off steam, listen to a book, or just enjoy nature. If you’re looking for a good healthy habit to help yourself feel better about life, I can’t recommend walking enough.
If I’m being honest, I’m very happy with where my mental health is right now. Despite all of the challenges I’ve faced this year — injuries, competitions, financial stress, trying to move, and constant travel — I’ve handled it well and continue to do so.
My goal is to keep elevating my life in every regard without harming my mental state.
Key lesson: The better your mental health is, the more you can fearlessly strive to improve your situation.
Closing Thoughts
Like I said in the intro, this is a long article.
That said, it’s been a long and eventful 6 months of this year. It’s been tough, challenging, fun, rewarding, painful, and everything else in between.
To conclude this analysis of everything I’ve learned this year, here are the 5 key lessons I talked about in this article:
If you stop moving, you die. Don’t become complacent (literally and metaphorically).
Training hard is irrelevant if you are unable to get on the mat due to injury.
Social media makes you addicted to instant gratification. Fight it.
Don’t be afraid to take on new challenges. Don’t be afraid of new friends. Don’t be afraid, and if you are, feel the fear and do something new anyway.
The better your mental health is, the more you can fearlessly strive to improve your situation.
I could have probably told you all these things without making it a 2500+ word essay, but I wanted to share as much as I could of everything I’ve been through this year.
I hope you enjoyed :)
Thanks for reading another issue of The Grappler’s Diary. If you enjoyed this post, share it with friends!
Great work as always. Thank you for sharing your lessons and being vulnerable. The part about fulfillment over happiness is clutch. Also excited to see you embark on some new chapters, although your presence here will be missed!