The Problem With Competition
It's deeper than winning and losing.
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that you read William’s article about “why you shouldn’t compete” yesterday.
I wrote this follow-up to that article in his newsletter last week.
Here it is now for you all. Enjoy :)
The life of a grappling competitor is strange.
On the outside — through the distorted lens of social media — the life of a “full-time” BJJ competitor is romanticized by many casual practitioners. After nearly a decade of competing in the sport (most of those years as a “full-time” competitor), I’m still amazed by the frequency of messages that I get that I’m “living the dream”.
That I must’ve figured something out.
But that’s just the view from the outside. People see daily training sessions, frequent travels, and cool submissions that I (sometimes) hit in competition as signs that I’m living a perfect life.
But that is not what happens when you build a life around competing.
The “behind the scenes” life of a BJJ athlete is very different. I’m not sure that you can really understand that until you try it.
Sure, there are a few BJJ athletes who are making great livings, running successful gyms, selling many of dollars in instructionals each month, and competing all the time in the biggest events in the sport, but for most of us, competing in BJJ full-time is one thing:
It’s a sketchy hustle.
It’s sketchy, and you have to hustle all the time.
You deal with sketchy people, constant fatigue, and a sense of instability in your life that leaves you “living the dream” yet still searching for something more.
But why is that? How do you find that something more?
Let’s talk about the biggest problem with competition and the competitive life.
Why you shouldn't compete.
Fellow grappling writer and BJJ black belt William Watts published an article the other day that I really enjoyed.
I reshared the article here on The Grappler’s Diary yesterday, but if you want to revisit it in its original form, click here.
One of the main points in the article is the idea of infinite versus finite games.
Finite games are games that are played for the purpose of winning (like competitive Jiu-Jitsu)
Infinite games are games that are played for the purpose of continuing play. (I think something like “tag” on the playground could be a good example)
To put it in self-improvement terms, it’s a scarcity mindset (finite) versus an abundance mindset (infinite). It’s generally healthier to have an abundance mindset, but competition is an arena that creates scarcity. There can only be one winner.
Here’s the part that got me thinking about how this applies to my life:
Grappling competition is pretty clearly a finite game. There are winners and losers. Some people are “good” and others less so.
However, in my experience, the martial artist archetype is supposed to be an infinite game.
Where did we go wrong?
You’re supposed to want to play the “martial artist game” forever.
You’re supposed to chase skills above achievements. You’re supposed to be able to be secure in yourself with or without winning in Jiu-Jitsu.
Competition (and William said this in his article the other day) can be a piece of the infinite game, it’s not meant to become the whole thing. Competition is a finite game by nature, and many people try to make an infinite game out of a finite one. This has terrible consequences for their peace and happiness.
Look at Tony Ferguson. Look at any other athlete who’s competing long past their prime because they need money or are unable to move on with their life.
The tale of the “veteran who should retire” is especially tragic in mixed martial arts because a washed-up martial artist takes more punishment than any other kind of washed-up athlete.
Competition is great, but you’re not supposed to be competing forever.
If competition is going to become the entire embodiment of your identity, I would recommend that you don’t compete.
It’s not bad to compete. It’s not bad to be a competitor.
However (and I can tell you this from personal experience), the competitive life is not a fulfilling one when compared to the alternatives.
Every athlete has 2 deaths.
A few years ago, I wrote an article about how every athlete dies twice.
Part of you dies at the end of your athletic career, and the rest of you goes when your physical body does. It’s an ego death of sorts, although I’m sure my psychedelic adventurer friends would tell me I don’t really know what I’m talking about.
But Jiu-Jitsu kind of complicates the “athlete life cycle”.
We have Master’s divisions. We have a lot of Master’s divisions. If you want to, you can prolong your athlete-life death until your 70s. You can just keep grinding and keep competing as best you can for as long as you can. You never “pivot” if you don’t want to. Jiu-Jitsu tournaments will always take your money.
You can be Megaton, getting into your 60s and still competing in the IBJJF Worlds every year literally just because you get to say you’ve competed in the IBJJF Worlds every year.
But — and I think this is something William and I agree on —I don’t think you’re supposed to view competition that way.
Competing can be great for you.
It can give you an outlet. It can help you get in really good shape. It can make you better at Jiu-Jitsu. It can teach you a lot about yourself.
A lot of really important personal development happens when you train for a competition of any kind. You improve your discipline. You pay attention to your diet. You deal with anxiety, frustration, and a slew of other negative emotions.
If competition is a part of the Jiu-Jitsu experience for you, that’s awesome.
It’s just not supposed to be the whole thing.
Closing Thoughts
The training room is a place where we should develop skills.
Jiu-Jitsu techniques are one of the skills that you learn during Jiu-Jitsu, but all sports have parallels to life. You learn stuff about life through sports because sport is a condensed simulation that in many ways mirrors the achievement aspect of life.
Playing sports as a kid made me better in school. When wrestling season ended in high school, my grades got worse, not better.
Wrestling taught me about wrestling, but it also taught me about discipline, time management, efficiency, teamwork, and how to deal with nerves. It’s hard to be nervous about an exam when you have a wrestling match with the local conference champion that night and you haven't eaten since Tuesday.
Jiu-Jitsu is very similar to wrestling, but the competitive side of all sports is problematic for some people.
I used to think Jiu-Jitsu was one of the best things for young men.
I don’t know if that’s true anymore. I don’t think spending all your hours training, sacrificing relationships, spending all your money, and alienating friends on a sport that pays you next to nothing even if you win is really the best way to live a good life.
Instead, (and this is exactly what William said in his article) use competition (a finite game) as a way to advance through the infinite game of your life.
Competing in Jiu-Jitsu is a huge part of my life. I compete every month, sometimes more. Win or lose, I keep going. I love it.
Why?
Because the infinite game which is my life is that much better when I am being disciplined and testing myself. When that stops being the case (my infinite life game has other priorities that require more attention) I will just not compete. I don’t think that “competitor” is a healthy lasting identity.
Something I’ve learned in my off-the-mat journey is that my identity does not need to be attached to my competitive Jiu-Jitsu (or any other) success.
I hope you are able to learn this for yourself as well.
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