The Problem With Doing Your Best
It's a vicious cycle.
My life has changed a lot in the last 6 months.
6 months ago, I was training for ADCC 2024 (a tournament I originally didn’t expect to even be competing at), I had just quit ghostwriting for an agency to go all-in on training, and I was living alone in a small apartment in a sketchy part of Austin, Texas.
Now, things are different — better.
I won’t get into all the details today because this story is not about the details. This story is about how we perceive the changes that happen around us.
Today, we’re talking about hard work, failure, and the illusion of “making it”.
You will never “arrive”.
At times, it can be helpful to think of your life as a journey or even a story.
In many ways, it is a journey and a story.
There are going to be ups, downs, twists, and turns. At times it will feel easy and at other times it will feel extremely difficult. It can be good at times to view the journey of your life as something like a movie — always trending toward something bigger.
But here’s the thing:
You’re never going to reach the end of the movie. You are never going to arrive at the promised land.
When I got into ADCC last year, that could have been the end of the movie. When I finished top 4 at ADCC, that could have been the end. When I moved in with my girlfriend or released my first book, those experiences could have been the end of my movie.
In a few years, I’d like to open a Jiu-Jitsu gym of my own. That could be the end of the movie.
But it’s not. The movie doesn’t end until I die.
Success or failure in things you do does not end your story.
No matter how hard you work or how much it feels like you’ve “made it”, you never really make it. The world just keeps on spinning.
Your life can’t just be a movie.
Yes, it’s cool to sometimes think of your life as a movie.
Joe Rogan said it in that one motivational video that one time and it was inspiring, but you can’t just view your entire existence from the lens of your own glory and individualistic actualization. I’ve been caught in this trap many times — it’s a perk (and downside) of being an artist and an athlete.
I get a little caught up in my bullshit. I get caught up in my misplaced sense of self-importance.
In this day in age of influencers, YouTubers, and our social media-induced obsession with romanticizing everything, it’s become easier and easier to fall into this trap of self-obsession and perfection.
I see it all the time, even in people that you’d least expect. We all want the highs that we read about in stories or watch in movies. We’re each the star of the movie that we’re filming on our phones every single day.
But do you really want that all the time?
I mean, think about your favorite movies. Do you truly want that level of chaos in your life all the time?
A while back, my girlfriend rewatched the Harry Potter series. Maybe it’s just because I’m an old soul, but I remember when I watched the series I just kept thinking about how those damn kids could never just have a normal school year.
Like for once, Harry, just do your homework and enjoy a butter beer.
There are times in life when we need to be heroic and there is value to our favorite stories, but sometimes, you need to be boring.
Sometimes, I want to be boring.
You need to find a middle ground.
The last 3 years of my life have been chaotic.
3 years ago, I was a Jiu-Jitsu brown belt, I was still freelance writing about trucking and jerk chicken to pay my rent, and I was living in Chicago in a crappy studio apartment.
Now, in comparison, I’ve arrived, but at times I still struggle with the same feelings I struggled with all those years ago. I struggle to feel connected to others, to feel sure of myself, and to feel like everything I’m doing is “right”.
In the old days, I used to give these feelings too much merit. I used to believe that a feeling that something was off was a sign that I was doing it wrong.
I’ve come to recognize that the feeling that I’m doing something wrong is a lie, but I’ve also learned that the feeling that I’ve “made it” is a lie as well.
There’s no “making it”.
The story doesn’t end just because life is a lot better now than it was when I was 22. Even though nowadays things often feel too good to be true, that doesn’t mean that I’m free from bad days, doubts, failure, or even the next levels of success in my field.
Some days, you’re going to feel like you’re in a movie. Other days you’re going to barely have your head above ground. Other days are going to blend in with the others.
Both are true. Both are okay.
That’s how you know that this real life and not a movie.
Closing Thoughts
I blame the screens for this one.
Your life is sometimes movie-like, but it is not a movie.
Training for a tournament or match for me feels like I’m in a movie. My trips with my girlfriend or even just our evenings sometimes feel like a movie. Sometimes writing makes me feel like I’m in a movie, even though I don’t know of any great movies about writers.
I sometimes feel like I’m in a story. Like I’m going somewhere important. Like everything I do matters.
But other times, I feel sleepy. Tired. I struggle to find my footing and my direction. Sometimes, I even just feel peace — at ease. Happy to be where I’m at and not interested in the future or the past or some pursuit that I haven’t identified yet.
These moments, I think, are the moments where life is not so much like a movie. It’s not scripted. It’s not interesting to watch. It’s not all a part of some grand scheme.
You’re always going to have both.
You’re never going to “arrive” because you can’t.
The problem with trying your best is that you’re always going to expect drastic highs and lows, but sometimes, you’re just going to have a boring day where nothing remarkable happens.
How you can appreciate the days that don’t quite fit into your movie will determine how sustainable your life is.
The Grappler’s Diary is sponsored by BJJ Mental Models, the world’s #1 Jiu-Jitsu podcast!
This week features me!
In this episode, Steve and I broke down the mechanics and meta-relevance of my new signature move, the Woj Lock.
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