This Is Why You're Stuck
How to get out of bad spots.
“I’m stuck,” is what you tell yourself.
I get it. I get stuck a lot too.
I used to always tell my dad that when he’d help me with math problems when I was like 12.
I used to always think that once I finished math class, life would be better because I wouldn’t be stuck anymore. It turned out that finishing math class just meant I wasn’t stuck on math anymore. Most of life is just getting stuff on different things and struggling with them.
In middle school, I started wrestling, and I got stuck on my back all the time. Then, I started doing Jiu-Jitsu, and I got stuck lapel 50/50 or other different things that sucked to be stuck in. A few years ago, I had a bad relationship and I got stuck there for a while. Then I started a writing business and got stuck taking dozens of clients for barely enough money to pay my rent. Then, I started writing my first book and I got stuck trying to get it done — it took nearly a year just to write a draft.
The point is that I get stuck all the time. I also think I do a good job of getting unstuck.
Here’s why you’re stuck and what you can do about it.
You don’t let yourself be where you are.
Whenever I teach Jiu-Jitsu, every single person always wants to know the secret to progressing faster.
They want to know the list of techniques that will allow them to progress at a ridiculously fast rate. They also usually want it to be as easy as possible.
They want “secrets”.
This is not just true in Jiu-Jitsu, but it is very true in Jiu-Jitsu.
However, Jiu-Jitsu is a craft, and like all crafts, if you want to get better, you need to realize where you are. You need to develop awareness.
You can’t get out of a bad position until you acknowledge the presence of a bad position. Whether it’s side control, a crappy job, or a terrible business model, you can’t escape until you acknowledge the problem.
Be where you are so you can get out.
You think that some kind of security will come from the next achievement.
The pressure of thinking that you are on the verge of wild success is enough to ruin your life.
I get that painfully so, especially after recent events in my own life.
I’ll tell the whole story a few months from now, but basically, I’ve been working on some projects for a really long time, and I’m finally starting to see some results on them. The dreams I’ve had for the last 2 years are finally starting to come to fruition. Some of my biggest problems are being solved after a year-ish of working on them.
However, that success (the next achievement) doesn’t really make me much happier. The happiness you get from achieving a goal always wears off pretty fast. It doesn’t really do anything except maybe give me a reason to celebrate with my girlfriend or feel like I’m going in the right direction in my life.
This is because no insecurity is fixed by achievement.
INsecurity is an INternal issue.
You need to realize that moving out of a bad position doesn’t mean you win the game.
This is a good lesson for Jiu-Jitsu too. Life isn’t like EBI Overtime.
You’re solving too many problems.
Ask yourself this:
Are the problems that you are solving in your life really essential? Are they really worth the headache?
One of the biggest reasons that people get stuck is perfectionism — trying to solve so many problems to the point where they’re trying to solve problems that don’t exist. To the point where they’re inventing problems just so they have something to solve.
They’re stuck, but only in their minds.
Instead of operating from the default of a problem-solver, operate from the mindset that everything is perfect as it is. This way, when problems arise, you can focus your energy on solving them and then let them go. Don’t default to problem-solving.
When there are no problems, you will be forced to move on and evolve.
Don’t try to do too much.
You’re afraid to move on.
The fear of success is really just the fear of failure in disguise, but it’s equally as terrible.
For me, I spent 2020-2023 working in Chicago, training, teaching, and writing on the side. I made some really big strides during this time in my skills, maturity, and views of the world.
Over time, however, I started to get stuck. I realized that I needed to move on from the life that I was living to take a crack at the life that I thought was possible. Again, I can’t tell the whole story yet, but I will soon.
I don’t everyone to understand, and there have been a lot of great and painful sacrifices along the way to chasing this new dream.
Sleepless nights, anxiety, crippling self-doubt, deep sadness and isolation, homesickness, and more.
Still, I had to move on. I had to a shot to get unstuck. I had to make it worse before it could get better.
The fear of moving on is the fear of success, and the fear of success is just the fear of future failure after your current failure.
Learn to put all the failures in the past and just keep moving. This is the way.
Closing Thoughts
In Jiu-Jitsu, we always tell people to “get comfortable being uncomfortable”.
I think this is terrible advice.
If you’re stuck in side control, don’t just chill. Don’t be comfortable.
Comfort is what you feel in a warm bed on a snowy winter night, not what you feel when some giant dude is smashing you and scoring on you and dripping sweat in your mouth while they try to break your arm. When you get stuck in Jiu-Jitsu, don’t be comfortable. Get out. Move. Work.
Don’t be stupid, but don’t chill and become complacent.
It’s the same for the rest of your life.
When you’re stuck or uncomfortable, you have to work. You have to accept where you are, accept the journey as it is presented to you, solve the problems in front of you, and when you’ve done the work, move on to the next problems.
No one has to be stuck forever. That is a choice.
You need to choose to fight your way out of bad positions. Choose to be active.
Choose to do everything you can to not be stuck anymore.
Today’s issue of The Grappler’s Diary is sponsored by BJJ Mental Models!
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