What You Really Need Is a Quest
How to get out of a rut.
Sometimes, I find myself stuck.
Stuck in bad positions in Jiu-Jitsu
Stuck in a cycle of bad thoughts
Stuck in a sense of aimlessness
After some time of being stuck, I usually start to feel worried. I get anxious. I become static — stuck in my head. It feels like a weight is crushing me down.
It can be challenging to break the cycle of being stuck. You need to do something, and it’s hard to decide exactly what. If it were easy to decide, you probably wouldn’t be stuck in the first place.
For me, what works best is a quest — either going on one or creating the sensation that I am on one.
I’m going to explain exactly what that means as we go through this article, but for now, I just want you to think about what “a quest” means for you.
Today, we’re talking about progress, motivation, and discipline. Let’s begin.
To stop drowning, start moving.
I think the hardest part is getting started.
Sometimes, when I have to write an article, I just open the computer and stare at a blank page. Sometimes, when it’s time to train, I get on the mat and just sit there and think about what I need to do to get better. For some reason, the longer I train in this weird sport, the more I realize I need to work on.
The more you sit with inaction, whether it’s on the mat or in your life, the heavier the feelings of it become.
A body in motion stays in motion. A blank page stays blank. A grappler who doesn’t train remains a grappler who doesn’t train.
Until, of course, you take that first step.
The first step is the key to everything.
Every step after the first step is easier.
In relationships, this is true as well. Asking my future wife on our first date was scarier than proposing. That doesn’t subtract from the magnitude of either moment; it’s just that momentum is a powerful thing, and you need to take advantage of it.
You need to go on a quest.
What is “a quest”?
When I think of a quest, I think of a grand adventure with a specific direction.
I think of Santiago in The Alchemist — hunting a treasure and his own personal legend, Odysseus in The Odyssey — looking to come home after the Trojan War, or Harry in Harry Potter — looking to rid the world of Lord Voldemort. I think of people who are living their lives for some greater purpose than short-term satisfaction.
It’s about becoming your best.
When I think about my quests, they haven’t been as cool as the ones described in fiction, but they have still forced me to become a better version of myself.
Moving to Austin to pursue Jiu-Jitsu was a powerful quest for me. Traveling the world and competing was a powerful quest for me. Writing my first book was another quest.
I think running a business is a quest. Being a parent is a quest. There are many different types of quests that we can experience in this life.
These things give me powerful enough journeys to follow that distract from the feelings of being stuck. It’s hard to bitch about petty drama, failure, or even anxiety when you truly believe that you are on a journey that is bringing out the best in you.
This is why it’s important to choose your quests wisely — I’ve found that some quests are better than others.
For me, for example, I felt competition was a better quest in BJJ than “getting my black belt”. It challenged me far more.
Your quest needs to align with your values, your desires, and things you enjoy. I tend to think that the more difficult the quest is, the better as well. Those tend to make stories, and better stories tend to evolve your character more.
No one would have read The Odyssey if Odysseus could have just taken an Uber.
The problem with challenges.
Here’s the tough part.
If you go on a grand quest with strong challenges, you are going to have moments where you think that it’s all for nothing. Moments where everything goes to shit.
When you lose a big competition. Bad days in the training room. Losses in your business. Content that flops. Sales pitches that fail.
Afterward, if you’re anything like me, you might spiral a bit.
This is the hard part, because now, you are unmotivated on your quest, which keeps you motivated to keep your life from falling into disarray. You are stuck within the thing that you are using to keep yourself unstuck.
What do you do when that happens?
Here are 3 things you can do when you’re failing at the thing that’s keeping you going:
Focus on the controllable. You cannot change the past. You can only impact the future as best you can. You can control all of your actions right now.
Practice Stoicism. Your feelings are valid, but they are also not that important, constantly changing, and unreliable. Do not make big decisions based on short-term feelings.
Disconnect. You were not meant to know everything going on in the world, everyone’s opinion, everything else, all at once. Modern life is far overwhelming than it used to be. Remember that and remember to disconnect.
It’s good to challenge yourself. You need some sort of quest. You also need to be grounded enough to withstand the ups and downs of going on a quest.
That last part is often the most forgotten.
Closing Thoughts
When I was younger, I struggled a lot with anxiety, fulfillment, and doubt.
I didn’t know if I had “what it took” to reach my goals and live the life I wanted to live. If anything, I kind of assumed that I didn’t.
I still sometimes deal with the feeling that I am not good enough. It’s just a part of doing things.
If you want to do anything, you’re going to have to deal with the voice in your head that tells you that you can’t do things. For some of us, that voice is stronger than for others.
But that’s okay. The voice in your head doesn’t have to run your life.
Sometimes, I think we all need that reminder.
I tried to give that to you today.
The Grappler’s Diary is sponsored by BJJ Mental Models, the world’s #1 Jiu-Jitsu podcast.
In this episode of BJJ Mental Models, Steve Kwan welcomes back Sonia Sillan from Combat Arts Academy to explore the concept of the “awkward turtles:” the introverted, unsure, or atypical students who often feel like outsiders in Jiu-Jitsu.
Sonya unpacks how gym culture, coaching priorities, and interpersonal communication affect whether these students feel welcome or alienated.
Together, they discuss how creating an inclusive, empathetic training environment isn’t just good for business; it’s essential for building resilient practitioners and a healthy mat culture.
This conversation offers a roadmap for coaches and students alike to rethink how they engage with the most vulnerable members of their gym.
To listen, look up BJJ Mental Models wherever you listen to your podcasts, or just hit this link.
The Grappler’s Diary is also sponsored by ATHLETHC!
ATHLETHC is the world's first THC mint that is designed with performance in mind.
As an athlete, writer, and entrepreneur in the wild world of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, I’m often stressed out, burnt out, and beaten up by my lifestyle. At times, it’s hard to keep up with the demands of my training and work schedules.
ATHLETHC’s Rebound Formula mint has been a cornerstone tool in my recovery stack for the last several months. It’s a powerful blend of THC, CBC, and CBD. It helps me sleep, decompress, and alleviate muscle soreness.
Also published this week:
How to Build Community in Jiu-Jitsu
Today’s article was written by Steve Kwan. Steve is a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt and the founder of my favorite (and the world’s best) Jiu-Jitsu podcast, BJJ Mental Models. The Grappler’s Diary has been proud to be sponsored by BJJ Mental Models since early 2024.
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