10 Ideas That Changed My Life
The art of thinking well.
Your life is a product of the way you think.
If you have bad thoughts, you’ll have a bad time even if things are good. The opposite is also true. If you have good thoughts, you’ll have a good time, even when things are not so good.
Because of this idea, I spend a lot of time thinking, reading, and writing, trying to find ideas that help my quality of life.
I’ve been doing this since 2018. I’ve gone through defeatist, angsty phases, I’ve gone through overly positive phases, spiritual phases, and pretty much everything in between.
Some ideas have stood the test of time.
Here are 10 ideas that changed my life.
“If you can’t be happy with a coffee, you won’t be happy with a yacht.”— Naval Ravikant
I like to dream.
I don’t really dream of having a yacht, but at times, my dreams can be a bit materialistic.
A nicer car, a bigger house, fancier dinners, etc. Things most people desire from time to time, I guess.
But when I think about it, these materialistic desires are mostly to elevate perceived status, not to elevate my quality of life. As a response to this, you need to focus on simplicity.
My goal is to be just as happy with my little homemade cappuccino in the morning as I am when I go on a cool trip or have a nice dinner.
If you can’t enjoy the little things, the shinier things won’t help you.
“The reason to win the game is so that you can be free of it.”
This is another one I learned from Naval. I think I saw it as a tweet.
I hate hamster wheel endeavors.
Endeavors that feel like they never end and lead nowhere.
I used to think that the problem with endeavors feeling like hamster wheels was the endeavor itself, but in reality, it was how I was thinking about those endeavors.
You need to view the games you are playing as something to be overcome:
You date so that you can be free of the dating game
You build a business so you can be free of the money problems game
You get your black belt in Jiu-Jitsu so that you can be free of the BJJ belt-chasing game
You have to play these challenging games so that eventually, you don’t have to play them anymore. When you win, you can talk about how dumb the games are — but you have to win first, otherwise you’re just resentful.
Safety is an illusion.
“We want to be secure, knowing inwardly, deeply, that there is no such thing as security at all.” — Jiddu Krishnamurti
This quote is from one of my favorite books of all time, The Book of Life.
I tell people that my book, A Grappler’s Diary, was written in the style of The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday, but the truth is I had never even heard of The Daily Stoic before I started the book. I wrote my book with The Book of Life as inspiration.
The book is a catalog of 365 spiritual essays.
Anyway, the point here is simple yet powerful.
We all crave the sensation of security. The idea that there will be no pain, that we will be safe, and that no one can ever hurt us.
But safety is an illusion. You’re only as safe as you feel you are.
Instead of aiming for safety, aim for the strength to endure unpredictability. Strength gives the ability to experience a greater sense of safety.
Life is simple. We make it complicated by escaping from it.
“There is no complexity in “What is”, but only in the many escapes that we seek.” — Jiddu Krishnamurti
When you zoom out, life is simple.
Ambition, anxiety, stress, and the many social constructs we use to occupy our time complicate and consume our lives, but do they have to take as much from us as they do?
The amount of sleep I’ve lost worrying about points-based grappling rulesets or sales on my instructional or book is laughable when you take a second and realize that the only thing you really have control over is your day-to-day actions.
When life gets complicated, stop escaping from “What is”. Get back to basics.
Meditate, walk outside, turn off the content hamster wheel. This is how you make your life better.
You need to leave your comfort zone — constantly.
“If you’re twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you to travel – as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on floors if you have to. Find out how other people live and eat and cook. Learn from them – wherever you go.” — Anthony Bourdain
I used to love watching Anthony Bourdain’s show.
This quote from one of his books (I believe Medium Raw) is especially powerful. I tried to think this way about Jiu-Jitsu when I first decided I wanted to do it full-time. I even paraphrased this quote for BJJ in my first ebook on training.
If you’re a young grappler who just wants to be a good as possible, travel. Leave home. It’s okay if you forget your toothbrush. Train with everybody. Make friends. Explore. Feel the ache of homesickness and defeat. Feel the thrill of adventure.
This will make you better, more technical, and perhaps best of all, more resilient.
Too much travel is a bad thing.
This quote from Seneca is a good antidote to unrelenting wanderlust:
“Everywhere means nowhere. When a person spends all his time in foreign travel, he ends by having many acquaintances, but no friends.” — Seneca
Travel is a good thing, but it’s not the only thing.
Travel is only fun when you have something to go back home to. You need a home, you need to be surrounded by people whom you care about, and you need to invest your time into pursuits that are worthwhile for you.
Travel is good, and I think it’s a part of a good life, but life should not be spent entirely in travel.
Jiu-Jitsu must be a positive thing in your life, otherwise, you’re doing it wrong.
This was a realization that I had while writing my book, but it was super powerful for me.
There have been so many times when Jiu-Jitsu has made my day and my life worse. Stress about Jiu-Jitsu, injuries, worrying about competitions, and having training make it difficult for me to function normally. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
Many of us experience this stuff in Jiu-Jitsu, but you need to remember the ideal.
The ideal is that Jiu-Jitsu is an entirely positive addition to your life. There’s no reason for it to be anything else.
Don’t forget that when you’re worrying about belt promotions, gym drama, or some random competition that’ll mean nothing to you in a year.
The ideal addition of Jiu-Jitsu training in modern life is an entirely positive addition to that life.
Every little thing can be art.
The way you tie your belt in Jiu-Jitsu class. The way you stack your books. The way you pour your coffee.
I spend a silly amount of time trying to make the milk foam on the coffee I make in the morning look a little bit better every single day.
I try to put thought into the little things that I do. I try to do my part to make my life at least a little bit more beautiful.
Life is hard, and it always will be. Don’t let it be hard and ugly.
You’re not supposed to try too hard.
Effort is important. You can’t succeed without effort.
But in my experience, the more you force something, the less likely it is to work out for you.
If you force techniques in Jiu-Jitsu, they won’t work
If you force a relationship, you’ll end up in an unhappy relationship
If you make yourself miserable in the name of pursuing some goal, your only guarantee is that you’re going to be miserable
In America (and much of the world today), people are obsessed with working as hard as they can and trying to be “the best they can be”. Most people are focused more on their effort than their output.
It’s good to work hard, but you can work too hard.
Be less of a perfectionist and more of an actionist.
“It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.” — Aldous Huxley, Island
You can literally just do things.
If you try, you can just do things. So much more than you think.
If you’re like most people, you overestimate what can get done today but underestimate what can get done in a year or a decade.
10 years is shit ton of time.
I used to think that I was destined to be nothing but a Jiu-Jitsu athlete, slaving away for plastic medals until I hit 30 and decided to do something else.
But now, I’m only 27 and I’ve already:
Written a book
Gotten engaged
Become a Jiu-Jitsu coach
Written this newsletter every Friday for more than 4 years (read the first post here to see how far we’ve come!)
Ghostwritten for some massive content creators
Traveled the world competing and teaching my favorite sport
Hopefully, 10 years from now, I will have half a dozen more cool things to add to my personal resume.
I don’t think there’s a secret, but I just choose not to define myself by any single one of my actions. I just try things.
These last 2 ideas in this article might seem a bit contradictory, but if you think about it, I’m sure you can sift through the cracks.
You can do almost anything, but you shouldn’t have to force it too much.
“Become undefinable. Run a marathon one day, write an essay the next. Direct a short film, build an app, deadlift 500lbs, strategize a marketing campaign, or do whatever your curiosity draws you to. If you can be defined as "____," you face either competition or replacement.” — Dan Koe
You can bend reality in your favor.
The Grappler’s Diary is sponsored by BJJ Mental Models, the world’s #1 Jiu-Jitsu podcast!
This week we're joined by Timothy Lee Peterson!
In this episode, Timothy explains why gaze tracking — or where your eyes are looking — is a surprisingly important aspect of Jiu-Jitsu.
To listen, look up BJJ Mental Models wherever you listen to your podcasts, or just hit this link.
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Also published this week:
The Only Way to Do Jiu-Jitsu Professionally (and Profitably)
Doing competitive Jiu-Jitsu for a career is a funny thing.
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