How to Stay Focused When You're In a Sh*tstorm
What really happened these last few months.
Life lately has been like a movie.
That’s not to say that I’ve had storybook success, but rather that I’ve had all the drama, ups, downs, and everything in between that you see in movies.
In the last few articles over the last few weeks, I’ve talked about what happened at ADCC, the preparation, and some other things surrounding the tournament, but I didn’t talk too much about the chaos.
I rarely do until after the fact.
I like sharing the trials and tribulations I experience — I think it’s good to do so in a world of social media’s false perfection — but I personally don’t do it until after the big day. There’s something icky to me about using my struggles for attention.
Instead, I try to use my past struggles as a resource for learning.
Maybe telling you all the ways I was an idiot can help us both learn and be better in the future.
Here’s what I’ve struggled with and learned over the last few months.
In May, I had an existential crisis.
After the ADCC West Coast Trials this year where I finished 4th in a division of over 200 competitors, it finally hit me:
I moved my whole life to Texas (girlfriend included), spent a year chasing a goal, and came up short. I was close, but I came up short of qualifying for the ADCC World Championships. I didn’t win a Trials and although I had 2 top 4 finishes and 3 top 8 finishes, I was not high enough in the rankings to receive an invite.
On a random Sunday in May, I went to church for the first time in my life. I’m not really a religious man, but I enjoyed it. Then, the next day, I had a full-blown existential crisis. I lost my shit, and not in a cute way. I’m embarrassed to even tell you.
It might seem small to an outsider, but I put my whole soul into everything I do, and it wasn’t enough.
I was writing for a ghostwriting agency and I hated it. I was doing really well at Jiu-Jitsu, but I couldn’t figure out why I should keep training and killing myself. I had a few seminars booked, but very little to look forward to in terms of competition.
Then, 4 days after my little breakdown, an act of God in the name of the Craig Jones Invitational came to be and put my world on blast.
Suddenly, there was hope.
People were pulling out of ADCC to do this new tournament called “CJI”.
There was this massive drama in the BJJ world, and because of it, there was the chance that I was going to be able to compete in the ADCC Worlds.
After a bunch of back and forth and some drama, I got a spot. It’s a long story that I’ll maybe tell you some other time, but in hindsight the how and why feels irrelevant.
The point is that I went from having hardly any motivation to train or compete to having the biggest motivation I’ve had since I started training.
“The Grappler’s Diary guy” wanted to quit grappling, and then he got to go to one the biggest grappling tournaments ever.
I had about 9 weeks to prepare from the time I got announced. It was go-time.
My girlfriend and I sat down and schemed. I wrote up a training plan, talked with the new coach at B-Team, made a plan for getting sponsors, and got ready to get to work.
Then, I threw my back out.
The point of this story is not to inspire you.
I’m trying to teach you stuff here.
I overtrained too early and I injured myself. 7 weeks out of ADCC, I couldn’t roll.
It only got worse from there.
I worked my way back for about 2 weeks, and I got back to rolling pretty hard. I even started lifting again.
Then, on the 3rd of July, I threw my back out again — I have a herniated disc that flares up when I don’t rest — and this time much worse.
The lesson here is that if you are stupid, you pay the price. I should have rested longer, but I was impatient. Because I was impatient, I had to rest even longer.
From the 4th of July until the 23rd, I only rolled twice. I could barely train, and only at a very limited level. I taught seminars in Chicago and I was barely able to go through the movements that I needed to teach.
Finally, about 4 weeks out of ADCC, I got better.
I think 4 weeks is about the bare minimum for how long you need to prepare for a grappling tournament if you're consistently training.
Over the final 4 weeks of ADCC camp, however, life didn’t just magically become easy.
I was able to train, but I had to be careful about volume. I had to work on my core strength nearly every day. I had to be careful about which partners I rolled with.
I had to be smart and there was little room for error.
The training itself was very challenging, but the hardest was really just managing my injuries throughout the preparation. I’m really lucky that I had some amazing sponsors during this camp because this was the first time that I really felt like being a Jiu-Jitsu athlete was a full-time, 40-ish hour-per-week job.
Between strength training, BJJ training, recovery, diet, rest, and writing this newsletter, I had very little time to do anything else.
Oh, and I was a damn headcase.
The last few days of July, I moved in with my girlfriend.
This has been an incredible step in our relationship, but the problem was that I was also dealing with my injuries, getting ready for the biggest martial arts tournament of my life, and I was stressed.
During the last 2 weeks of ADCC prep, I dealt with the worst insomnia that I have ever experienced.
I was exhausted all day long except for the 2 hours I was on the mat and the 8 hours that I was in bed staring at the wall. I talked a little bit about that insomnia a few weeks ago, but I’m telling you now how bad it was.
I started meditating toward the end of camp, and this helped, but I really wish I had started sooner. Even meditation twice daily was not enough to calm my anxious mind.
By the time I got to the venue, I was tougher than I’d ever been and more than prepared, but I was kind of a trainwreck. I was kind of ready for it to be over.
The lessons.
Everyone always tells stories online about how they overcame the odds.
I didn’t do that. My odds, in my opinion, weren’t terrible.
I hurt my own back from training and not resting, I hurt it again from lifting too heavy and was stressed out from my lack of mental preparation.
Here are the key lessons from my summer — I think these lessons will help you stay focused when you’re struggling with injuries, anxiety, pressure, or all of the above:
When you have an injury or issue, listen to professionals first. If I’d taken a week off in June when I hurt my back I could probably have avoided the bad injury in July.
Develop techniques that help you alleviate pressure on yourself. My performance at ADCC was good because, by the time I weighed in and actually got to compete, I felt no pressure and all love. My performance in camp sucked because I was putting so much pressure on myself. What I learned this summer is that the alleviation of pressure is a skill, just like Jiu-Jitsu.
Be grateful for the people who see you at your worst and stay. I didn’t sleep right for 2 weeks during the end of camp and I was anxious about everything. If it wasn’t for my girlfriend’s patience and support, I’d probably have never gotten out of that self-induced black hole of despair.
Jiu-Jitsu is simply a vehicle for helping me be the best version of myself. Don’t allow important competitions to make it more than that. By the way, the best version of yourself has a better chance of winning than the most stressed-out version of yourself.
Try to zoom out regularly. One thing that I did at the end of camp, which I wish I had done sooner, was becoming indifferent to the results of the tournament. I put everything in perspective. I’ve gotten good at this over the years, but for ADCC I caredcway too much in the early days — likely because the opportunity came at a time I needed it most. Learn to detach so that you can simply perform. Results do not define you.
Closing Thoughts
This will probably (hopefully) be the last article that I write about ADCC.
I wrote an article for Flo about the matches which I’ll link for y’all when it goes live, I did last week’s newsletter, and this week’s paid newsletter, and that should be good enough. I know it’s a lot and I’m sorry if I sound like I’m beating a dead horse, but ADCC was one of the craziest experiences of my grappling career.
This is my diary, so I’ll probably mention it again soon.
But either way, I finally feel ready to let it go. I feel more excited about the future than trapped in the past.
The only question now is what comes next?
Hopefully, more adventures, memories, mistakes, and lessons.
Hopefully, less back pain.
The Grappler’s Diary is sponsored by BJJ Mental Models, the world’s #1 Jiu-Jitsu podcast!
This week’s episode features Adam Medlock! Adam is a Braulio Estima black belt and a lead educator from the UK.
In this episode, Adam discusses the challenges of student assessment, or how Jiu-Jitsu coaches can measure student progress and the effectiveness of the curriculum.
Key points include the introduction of the TLA cycle (Teaching, Learning, and Assessment) and the concept of cumulative disfluency, alongside a critique of one-size-fits-all curricula and seminar-style teaching.
To listen, look up BJJ Mental Models wherever you listen to your podcasts or just hit this link.
The Grappler’s Diary is also sponsored by the American Grappling Association!
AGA is a bi-annual grappling tournament in Chicagoland, and they’re just a few weeks away from their next event — November 23, 2024, at the Oak Lawn Pavillion.
This date is modified from last week’s article!
Early bird registration is open for this event for the next several months! You can sign up for one division for just $55 or gi and no-gi for just $85!
I know a lot of my readers are based in Chicago and surrounding areas, so make sure to sign up for AGA and tell them The Grappler’s Diary sent you!
Tomorrow is the last day to pick up my ADCC rashguard!
It’s a good thing too, because this is my last promo photo from ADCC weekend 😂
Either way, this is one of my favorite competition kits that I’ve ever worn. I designed it myself and by purchasing one, you support not only me but the awesome sponsors who helped me make my ADCC run possible.
BTW — when you order, use CHRISW5 and you’ll get yourself a lil’ discount!
Click here to purchase a rashguard.
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Thanks for sharing with so much honesty, transparency and authenticity. It’s a great insight - informative and inspiring. 👊🏾🙏🏾